Snape's Reward
by theblackspot
Summary: AU, Total fluff. The war is nearly over, and Snape finds himself somewhere unexpected.


Disclaimer: If JKR could possibly publish more often and let the rest of us Muggles have her background notes, we wouldn't have to stoop to such levels of desperate imaginations.

SNAPE' REWARD

The room was long and narrow. With white chairs, a white table and white walls, it appeared almost empty. A man sat behind the table which had been placed near the back of the room. He was dressed from neck to foot in white. His head and hands struck a discordant note in the white room. His bald head was bent over the table; one pink hand was placed on a sheet of paper whilst the other scribbled furiously. The sound of pen on paper broke the otherwise complete silence.

A knock on the door interrupted him. Looking up, he frowned. There had been more work recently due to that stupid war the wizards were having. Thank goodness it was nearly over and he could get some relative peace and quiet again. "Enter," he called.

John came in, looking very nervous. "Well? What is it? I'm very busy," barked Peter. "Can't you lot leave me alone for a century or so?"

"You did ask to be informed when he arrived," said John, twiddling with his corded belt. "Well, he's here and is not very pleased about it."

"What do you mean he's not pleased? He should be ecstatic that we even let him anywhere near the gates, let alone through them," Peter bellowed. "If I had my way, he'd be with the other lot."

"He expressed some surprise that he wasn't to be admitted any further," replied John, now unravelling the tassel to his belt. "He doesn't seem to be very patient."

"What are you waiting for? Hell to freeze over? Go and get him. I'll give him patience," ordered Peter, grumpily. "And stop messing with that infernal belt."

The small waiting room held a solitary figure. Instead of sitting on one of several chairs placed against the wall, he was pacing up and down.

Severus Snape was in a filthy mood.'_If this was all I get for turning spy, perhaps I should not have bothered. Merlin's teeth, they took their time. If…_'

John entered the room and glided over to Snape. "You are to see Peter," he said. "Please don't antagonise him. He's in a foul mood. You have no idea the paperwork he has to do. Having that war just increased it; so don't expect him to be grateful." He started to lead Snape out of the room, through a door and along a corridor.

Raising an eyebrow, Snape said sarcastically, "Forgive me, but I thought you lot were above such petty feelings."

"In time you'll learn about the feelings here, petty or not. Come on then," he said. Turning to face Snape he asked, tetchily, "Do you want to see him or not?"

Snape followed, not waiting to be asked a second time.

"Bugger!" muttered Peter under his breath, as a large inkblot formed on the paper in front of him. He would have to rewrite the entire page. Otherwise, The Boss would throw it back at him. He scrunched up the page and threw it behind him. A direct goal into the wastepaper basket infinitesimally lightened his mood.

The knock came, causing another blot to land on a fresh piece of paper. Putting his pen down, he yelled, "Come in." As Snape entered, he boomed, "We've been expecting you. Took your time leaving, didn't you? Well, don't just stand there. Sit."

Snape casually walked up to a chair and slowly lowered himself onto the seat. "Why have I been kept waiting? I was led to believe this was just a formality."

"Nothing," shouted Peter, "is a formality here. We take great pride at getting things right the first time, unlike the miserable place you come from." Pulling a great white book towards him, he opened it to the exact page required. "Your concept of this place is totally incorrect. We are under orders to ensure that your wish, as everybody else's in this place, is carried out. Are you certain you will not reconsider?" He looked at Snape and grinned.

For the first time, Snape looked unsure. He countered with, "Where's the white hair then? I believe you should have white hair and a long white beard." Leaning forward, he sneered, saying, "This is supposed to be my concept."

"Very well," said Peter, wearily. His head and face became covered with the requisite white hair. Severus would have to learn, and if it was going to be the hard way – so be it. "John, you know what to do." He picked up his quill, a fresh piece of paper, and began to write, totally ignoring Snape.

"Is that it?" asked Snape, looking at John. He had expected a much longer interview.

"Yes," said John. "Follow me. You have spoken and that is sufficient."

Some days later, John reported back to Peter. "He's not happy. He is pretty well going up the wall. We'll have to let him out soon. He's complaining that the clouds are too pink, all that harp music is giving him a headache, and the worthies populating his area are too tedious to talk to. He actually threatened Guthrie Lochin that if his non-stop reminiscences about his piles were to continue, he would shove Musidora Barkwith's exploding tuba where the sun doesn't shine. When Scharissa Tugwood appears, he runs, muttering something about he likes his complexion the way it is. Oswald Beamish is concerned that Severus shows no interest in all the work Beamish did on goblin rights. Glover Hipworth and Elfrida Clagg have started a petition to have Snape 'sent elsewhere'. I don't believe any of the others will be too happy about playing along for much longer, either."

"Serves Snape right," muttered Peter. "If his idea of Heaven is being surrounded by good boring people, then he's in Heaven. The others know they'll get their reward for correcting his delusions. When Severus is ready to moderate his ideas, we'll accommodate them." He chuckled. He loved it when people's concepts of Heaven were so far off that each ended up in their own personal Hell. Being in charge of this particular part of the procedure, was Saint Peter's own personal Heaven.

A/N: This is for all those writers who have killed Snape off. My thanks must go to phoenix for her help, and to sheri164 for her work on correcting my syntax and grammar.


End file.
